Have you ever heard of something like singles day? Apparently it is a big deal in China that brings in the cash. Singles are buying a crapload of stuff for themselves as gifts online. Alibaba anyone? It would be a great way to make money in Canada for sure like black Friday or Monday online in the US and other countries. Anyhow it would be great to get paid for trying stuff out and making money traveling and spending money shopping and getting to know people. I would like to get me involved in the celebration of my own personal experiences and realize my goals. I have a few I want to see happen. I am hoping that I can get my life back doing stuff that I wanted to do and be able to be paid for doing what I want. I want to do something with my parents right now and start a business with myself and maybe mom will help me. Anyhow dad’s in bed now I don’t know if he slept well last night so I will leave him alone for the moment. Anyhow I’m interested in the DIY and personal shopping for other people and organizers stuff. Maybe mentoring others be a consultant or lifestyle coach and other stuff. Anyways I’m interested in possibly working with others and improving lives and working with people who are interested. Dad’s up now. I wonder if my parents are going to be doing anything today or what they plan to do today. Anyhow I’m just hoping that he will sand the driveway this weekend. I know that I am just living a pipe dream on that one. Anyhow my brother has a large package at the moment at his place waiting for dad to come pick up at some point in time. I don’t know what else to say except I will have to ask him when he’s gone to get it. I am just wondering what it is that he got. Anyhow I’m just going on about nothing in particular I think. Dad’s obviously obsessed with guns and horses if you were invited to our place and you were looking around. But I think I’m going to be staying in today I think. Anyhow men are pretty stupid and are pretty good at screwing things up. Especially when you are rich and white. There are a lot more than that I’m sure. Anyhow I’m just eating breakfast and going to bed soon myself for a little while. And then I will decide on what to do. Anyhow I’m pretty excited about this coming week. I’m just been writing a speech for demotivating criticism about December 1. No I am one of the keynote speakers for the international day of people with disabilities and I will be there speaking to the crowd. I have written a number of pages but I will let you know when I have done this speech. It sucks right now but I am hoping that I can edit it as soon as possible when I get the chance to do so. Anyhow I’m just hoping that people can understand what I am doing. I’m just going to be going to work on Tuesday morning and whatever else that day.
I’m just at the Pine Valley Sda church in the sanctuary area and I’m attending the divine service and just wanted to be with church friends. We have had a great day today and enjoying life and everything else. We had a great sabbath school lesson with pastor Dan Wilson and his father is one of the deacon in the church community here. I just want to be able to do this for a little while before going to the mall for a little while and then go home for the night. Anyhow I’m just feeling better today but I’m still feeling sick and tired with my issues and other stuff. And I am going to be getting ready for groceries today and then I will be there shortly at my apartment building and whatever else. I have a hard time finding stuff that I wanted and noticed that I am scheduled to be screwed over by the end of the month by the government’s decision of stupidity and other things that are not going to be working out. I am frustrated with issues and other stuff as well. Anyhow I’m just feeling a little bit tired right now and I’m going to see dr Davila and Dr Pieterse next week. It’s children story about how God has been with us. Through everything. I’m not sure what all I will be there shortly at my apartment. Anyhow a short time to get the songs to you for the children stories. Never let go of me. Interesting stuff for me and whatever else. I’m not sure if I can get my mind off of the church story and not have to worry about it all works out for me and whatever else. I’m one of the keynote speakers at the international day of people with disabilities and such as I have to give up my speech to people who are attending the events on December 1 2018 12:30 – 4. I hope that people are able to attend the meetings. I just want to be able address issues with my local groups about stuff that people with disabilities have to deal with a lot more often than before and after. I am going through my mind and body and I hope that I can do more research and advocacy for people who have disabilities. I am one of many self advocates who have been feeling the anxiety and depression and the need for advice and guidance for the moment and I need all the information I can get. I am planning to psa stuff for the next few days or so for the Sda church among the disability groups and other organizations in Canada and that the Sda church is all about the truth the biblical truth as presented in the Bible. The Bible is used to explain what the world is about and everything else.
Eliminating and curing us from autism is eugenics and eugenics is a hate crime. If you think about it you are a part of the problem if you think curing us will make things better and otherwise lead to a better quality of life. That’s just a bunch of bs that I will not tolerate and I got better things to do with myself because all you do is take away the good stuff that results in any progress in the scientific world and art and in other stuff as well. Some of the greatest minds in history had autism in some way shape or form and mental illness and related issues. Take it all away and we will set ourselves up for failure and genuine misery. I would say that this is true about any disabilities that we might have to deal with on a regular basis. It’s like saying that we have no right to exist and have meaningful lives. Can you imagine if there was no Albert Einstein to make his brilliant scientific discoveries and published in scientific journals or if there was no Vincent Van Gogh to paint such brilliantly made artworks? If you were able to look at their personal histories and everything else closely examined you would realize that they were most likely on the autism spectrum. Or imagine if there was no Temple Grandin to do the wonderful things that she has done for animal welfare and everyone in the scientific community and beyond writing about autism related issues and how that works in her favour working to better the lives of animals and otherwise marginalized people? It would also suck if Donna Williams and sir Anthony Hopkins did not exist because people were so insistent on getting rid of the autism and curing us of the condition that has benefited us so much? We as a whole has made it a better world better place for everyone.
I just finished watching I feel pretty an Amy shumer comedy on optik tv on demand. I loved it and it was just great. In the movie Amy’s character plays a lady named Renee who is insecure about herself and suffers anxiety issues and self esteem issues lack of self confidence and stuff like that. Anyhow I appreciate why amy did this movie and trying to relate to other women in the world. She has her struggles just like everyone else maybe a little bit overwhelming for me anyhow because I’m just a total disaster sunshine. I’m just struggling with same things personally. I’m quite often an emotional anxiety ridden basket case because in my mind everything is just a mess. Everything is wrong with the world. Anyhow it’s a relevant relatable movie. I would recommend this movie to anyone. Anyhow on another note I baked muffins this afternoon for myself. Tomorrow I’m headed to the dentist and like for the annual check up and cleaning. Noeme my Cmha worker is going to pick me up at my apartment early morning 8:00 am. After the dentist appointment I’m hoping to do something else.
It’s Mother’s Day and I am at home on the farm and I’m thinking that Lannie will come out for Mother’s Day and bring out the kids because it’s Sunday. Anyhow people will be going out for brunch today or whatever else works for them while we’re stuck at home for the time being. Belgian waffles would be great if they had any on occasion. I’m not sure what I’m going to do for breakfast today yet because dad’s not up at all yet. Not that it matters we’ll get what we can get for today.
I don’t know about anyone else but it’s just been a long day trip in my life. I’m just been going crazy first over the confusion about what I’m supposed to do with my medication packs and now I’m just stuck dealing here with myself because I’m just tired and fatigued from being alone. People are so stupid they are not worth dealing with on occasion. I may just not want anyone but a man with intelligence would be much appreciated like now. If there’s anything such thing in existence. I rather doubt it. Men are just hopelessly stupid. No common sense whatsoever. And no brains to speak of anyhow. People drive me crazy around the bend because they don’t understand nothing. If they were to read tony Atwood and temple Grandin there might be some hope for them but that’s unlikely because they haven’t a clue what I’m talking about. They’re too stupid to be bothered with. There’s no intelligent people here at all because it’s just not that they are going to improve. I don’t know why I’m here waiting for them they might just wanna jump in a lake. I can think about other things I would rather do as well please let me know if people will ever change. I do want to date and I do value relationships but people are just not interested in intelligent people like me. And a lot of stuff like that. Ugly fugly dumbass punks that’s all I get stuck with. I’ve never actually met anyone of depth and interesting stuff and intelligent in any way I can imagine Loverboy doesn’t love me won’t look at me because I’m just useless to him. Anyhow I’m just wondering what I’m going to do with myself because I’m just tired of being sidetracked with romance. Not that people care about what I’m going to do with myself because it’s just me. Might as well as invest in some major vibrator because guys aren’t excited about me it seems. Aren’t even looking at me anyhow how long do I wanna wait for those losers get their egos chunked to pieces and actually look at me. Guys aren’t working for me because they refuse to man up and go out with me. I just wanna die rather than put up with their bs. Maybe not die but somehow somethings got to give I don’t want to stick around here with a bunch of suck up mamas boys who don’t do anything. I wish I could just have a boyfriend but I’m just screaming at myself and them because it’s all about me and everything is messed up and anyone would like me not. They have no idea what they are doing and they are not genuine. No one pays attention
I’m sick and tired of waiting for the government to do their job like they are supposed to. They said they would do a PDD review but what has come of that? And whatever happened to the disability advocate that they so dearly promised? They are just wasting our time procrastinating bullying lying bullshitting and god only knows what else. They need to improve AISH and overhaul the whole thing and improve. We need AISH benefits to double what we get now in everything possible financially speaking in what we get a month plus what we will be able to earn financially in terms of paid employment and everything else. And not worry about what spouses earn because it’s none of their business what spouses earn or whatever else. And get rid of the iq requirements because its bs. Plus the legalism got to go when it comes to agencies supporting their clients. And also paperwork they require. Anyhow they just are not doing their jobs. And that needs to change. I’m just annoyed because it’s frustrating what they are doing right now and aren’t doing right now. They are just bullshitting everyone. And they don’t care. Like everyone else.
It sucks kinda feeling tired sick today because I’m catching a cold day and I just recently had the mirena replacement done 8 days ago so that was funny. Anyhow I’m just waiting for Mom to come to my apartment and have her take me to work. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself because I’m just tired of being sick and tired and fatigued. What can you do? Anyhow I’m just hoping that she’s here soon. It would be nice if I could just get away from here not that it matters. I’m catching cold and stuff and everything sucks.
I’m just at Lannie and Sarah’s house cause my parents are babysitting my niece and nephew for the time being. Anyhow I’m just feeling tired and fatigued because I was out and about with my Cmha worker all morning first going to Tim Horton coffee shop and then swimming at the eastlink Center before doing some shopping at goodwill and the mall. I’m doing alright right now despite my anxiety issues and other things. Charlotte is doing fine right now while Mom is putting Logan down for a little nap. Sarah my sister in law is doing her podcast today with her sisters before coming home to Charlotte and Logan. I’m just been feeling tired and fatigued a lot today and in the last week or two. I’m just hoping that spring comes around soon as possible because I’m just exhausted from winter. Anyhow at work yesterday afternoon they had me doing a yearly survey on the business and stuff like that. Well I gave them my opinion about everything that they asked me and more. I’m hoping that they will actually make good use of the information that they probably won’t wanna hear but they asked me. So I’m just hoping it’s ain’t just lip service but willing to do something better soon as possible. And not just being full of bs like usual. I’m just hoping that they seriously will take my advice. I’m not sure what time Sarah’s going to be home soon probably. I’m hoping that they will be here soon. Sarah at least. I’m just wondering about whether or not I’m going to have a nap now or later. Charlotte being Charlotte has been climbing up and around the table and being a kid as usual. I’m just hoping that my nieces and nephews will survive this life and in general survive the stigma of having me for an auntie and knowing that I’m not like everything and anything that they expect understanding people with disabilities and mental health issues and what they suffer. I know that having me around is going to be hard for them in life and the realization of all that entails. And a million other things that they don’t know about. I’m sure that they will be fine but I wonder if they would be better off not having me around to make life difficult for them. Whether anyone gets that statement I don’t know but it’s a burden that they will be stuck dealing with sooner or later whatever the case maybe. It might be my imagination it might not be possibly because it’s just the way it is. I’m not exactly normal. I’m just hoping that they will be able to see that I had no intention of being an embarrassment to them despite being so. But they are too young to understand. Normal isn’t something that I can do anything about because it is impossible for me to do such a thing. Normal doesn’t work. Anyhow I’m just hoping that they will be there with compassion and understanding someday knowing what I’m really about. I know that I am going to let them down disappointing them somewhere down the line. I’m just a low key failure with nothing else right now. I’m not sure if anyone cares or not it doesn’t matter. I’m just a waste of time and space I guess. Or maybe I will be better off once I have a nap myself. I don’t know. I’m just tired and having anxiety issues with myself because I’m tired and fatigued and everything else. I’m just hoping waiting to crash and burn myself because I’m waiting to escape a misery that I just can’t shake. I’m sure they will have a better understanding later on eventually because they are intelligent people enough. And I’m just here listening right around here waiting for the next little thing. And it’s going to take me down. I feel like shit tired and fatigued and irritated with my life. I am working on a few things but it’s going to be awhile sorry.